When They Drive You Crazy

I've heard it many times: "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17).  For years, I have assumed this verse is about the mutual relationships between good friends.  Friends who love each other.  Laugh together.  Actually like each other.  Friends who had polite, deep, encouraging, stimulating, uplifting conversations.

Doesn't that sound great?

Don't get me wrong.  This kind of friend is wonderful, and I am very blessed to have some of these friendships in my life.  But on deeper thought, I don't think Solomon had my warm, inviting scenario in mind when he penned Proverbs 27:17.

Straightforward Sharpening

The verse itself is very straightforward, but not very detailed: "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”  There are no qualifiers.  The text doesn't call for people who are "equally yoked" or "equally mature," and it doesn't seem to be describing relationships that would be considered "mutually beneficial."  Nope.  Just "one man sharpens another."  Any man sharpens any other?  That's a broad brush.

Judging by the little I know about sharpening something, it seems to me that it wouldn’t be a pleasant process.  Sharpening is accomplished through constant pressure and a lot of friction.  It causes heat and makes a terrible noise.

Is this how you would describe your relationship with your BFF?

What If...

Could it be that we are sharpened in every relationship?  Is it possible that the annoying person who seems to follow you around - the one you've told yourself you are influencing for the better - is shaping you, too?

That guy who always misunderstands what you say, always challenges your points, or maybe just plain gets on your nerves – could he be sharpening you?

It’s an interesting thought.  What if the interruptions other people cause in our plans, the differences in others' personalities, and the many (but minor) inconveniences others bring our way...are all part of iron sharpening iron?  After all, if any man sharpens any other, then maybe that pesky person you can’t avoid may be the sharpest sharpener in your life.

Day In and Day Out

Do you know how easy it would be for me to be kind when no one bothered me?  Do you know how effortlessly I could be patient when no one messed up my plans?  It would be so easy to be loving when there was no one to push the limits of that love.

But it would be empty.

I cannot be kind without being kind to someone.  I cannot be patient without being patient with someone.  And love has no meaning without an object of that love--a person.

An individual, made in the image of God, with their own desires, personality, strengths, weaknesses...and, yes, sin.

That would require kindness.  Patience.  Love.

Sometimes we are called to represent Christ to people who drive us crazy.  We can't do it once per person or once a month and then check it off a list.  We are called to represent Him wherever we are and whoever we are with, day in, day out, no matter how difficult the other person is.  Day in and day out, others' grating attitudes or personal idiosyncrasies will often continue to eat at us.

Annoying, yes.  But we'll be sharper for it.

Image credit

What's the Point?

I watched Beauty and the Beast today - once upon a time it was my favorite movie.  Even now, I love the song "Be Our Guest," where Lumiere (the French candlestick) says, "Life is so unnerving, for a servant who's not serving."

Much has been said about spiritual gifts, the teaching that each Christian is given a particular ability by God:

"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.  And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues" (1 Corinthians 12:27-28).

I have yet to figure out my spiritual gift.  I remember a quiz we took in youth group years ago, where we added up our score to determine our primary spiritual gift.  Being the sentimental packrat I am, I think I still have that score sheet somewhere, but I have long forgotten the results.

More recently I've heard about the importance of the different spiritual gifts, but I haven't taken the time to determine my own.  To be honest, I read the list of spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12 the other day without even slowing down to consider it.

But then I immediately came to 1 Corinthians 13 - the love chapter.  Like many of you, I've read it countless times, even memorized it.  But for the first time, I noticed something familiar:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Did you catch it?  Read it again, with the list of spiritual gifts in mind.  Right after he finishes teaching about spiritual gifts, Paul starts talking about love.  He opens the "love chapter" by rephrasing the spiritual gifts he just talked about.

The "tongues of men and angels"?  That sounds like the gift of speaking in tongues - he just mentioned it a few verses earlier.

And "prophetic powers" would be the gift of prophecy, right?

Understanding "all mysteries and all knowledge" reminds me of the gift of teaching.

"All faith, so as to remove mountains" sounds like the gift of miracles.

And on it goes.  Paul tells us that, no matter what spiritual gift we have, if we don't use it in love, we may as well not have the gift in the first place.

But Paul continues.  "Let all things be done for building up" (1 Corinthians 14:26).  And what builds up?

"This 'knowledge' puffs up, but love builds up" (1 Corinthians 8:1).

What builds up?  Love.

I still couldn't tell you my spiritual gift, because I don't know what it is.  Maybe I should.

Life can be unnerving for a servant who's not serving.  But perhaps it is even worse for a servant who is serving, using his gift - but not in love.  Even if I were to find out my spiritual gift tomorrow, what matters is whether I'm doing whatever I'm doing in love - and to build up the church.

If I know my spiritual gift and use it every chance I get, but not in love, without building up the church...what's the point?

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Never Enough

They stood tall.  They stood righteous and devout.  To the common people around them, their holiness seemed out of reach.  They were part of the privileged few, the honored who were to represent the people to their God.

Then came One like no other, who claimed to be the Son of the God they served each day.  The God they honored by being...honorable.  But this Son of God did not praise their holiness as they expected.

"'You brood of vipers!'" He exclaimed.  "'How can you speak good, when you are evil?'" (Matthew 12:34).  "'Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness'" (Matthew 23:27).  These men had been acclaimed as the spiritual leaders of their people - and that is what they were supposed to be.  How could they be full of rotting bones?  How could they be evil vipers?  Where did they go wrong?

We don't have to wonder!  In Matthew 23, Jesus gives clues as to what the Pharisees did wrong (and didn't do right).  Multiple times, He labels them "hypocrites," and at one point He explains, "'For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness'" (Matthew 23:23).  Tithing is not bad.  Neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness, however, is - especially for the spiritual leaders of God's people.

"And he said to them, 'Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men."  You leave the commandment of God and hold to the tradition of men.'  And he said to them, 'You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition'" (Mark 7:6-9).

Did you catch it?  Did you notice?  What was the accusation God made through Isaiah?  Their "'heart is far from me.'"  According to Scripture, it was even acknowledged that the Pharisees honored God with what they said ('"honors me with their lips'") and worshipped God, even if it was in vain.  What was missing in these Pharisees' way of life?

Their hearts.

Even though the Pharisees were tithing the littlest of spices, even though they were careful to do nothing resembling work on the Sabbath, even though they literally followed figurative commands in the ancient laws, it would never be enough.  And today, even if we tithe faithfully, attend church every Sunday, and regularly memorize Scripture, it can never be enough.  If our heart is not in it, all is lost.

Later, a man who declared himself "blameless" when it came to matters of the Jewish law (Philippians 3:6) would write: "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing" (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

So that's it.  Even if we have the highest spiritual gifts, prophetic powers, incredible faith, and a martyr's mindset - even then, we are nothing without love.  Where are our hearts?  Even as we go about our "duty," our "obligations," our "service" - where are our hearts?  Where is yours?

A Hero Is...

Have you ever thought about your heroes?  Who they are, why you chose them, what it is about them that you find heroic?  There's no question that we have them.  But why do we choose them?

What makes a hero a hero?

Recently my family and I spent an afternoon with my grandmother, a couple of aunts and uncles, and several cousins.  Due to the miles between us, it is rare for so many of us to be in one place, and we all jumped at the chance to catch up on each other's lives.  At one point, my aunt shared a story from her work as a chaplain in a children's hospital.

There was a little girl in my aunt's wing of the hospital.  "A precious baby," my aunt said.  She was there because her father shook her "until her brain turned to jello."  The baby's foster parents had two adult biological children, two adopted tweens, and this little girl was their thirty-sixth foster child.  "She knew she was taking her in to die," my aunt said of the foster mom and the baby.  "She was giving her a place to die."

The week we were visiting, the little girl's health had declined, and a meeting was held with the doctors, biological mother, and foster mother.  The child's biological mother was obviously struggling with the painful situation.  As hard as it was, she made the best - and most difficult - decision for her child's care, and then broke down.  The baby's foster mother, no doubt struggling with the situation as well, went over to the baby's birthmom and hugged her.  "You will always be her mother, no matter what," she told her.

Sometimes the heroes we choose have epic stories.  Just think of Captain America, Batman, or Superman.  Even when we choose actual people as heroes, we tend to exalt those like Gabby Douglas, Amelia Earhart, or George Washington.  People we have never met (and never will).  People who have performed amazing deeds, accomplished incredible feats, changed the world.  Their unforgettable stories stick with us, lodging in our minds and coming back to us even years later.  Are these people inspiring?  Yes.  Should we know about their lives and contributions to the world?  Sure.  But does a hero always have to be larger-than-life?  Could a hero be someone...normal?

"A hero is someone who excels in what we prize," I recently heard someone explain.  Remember that, I told myself.  It sounded profound.

"A hero is someone who excels in what we prize."

We pick our heroes because of what we want our lives to look like.  Whether our hero is Captain America, George Washington, or LarryBoy, we look to these figures for inspiration or even guidance as we go about our lives.  We think that, as we look to our heroes, we will somehow become better individuals.  Who we choose as heroes says a lot about who we are - and who we are becoming.

My aunt ended her story as she told how the foster mother loved the baby and the biological mother - reaching out to both in their time of need.  "I have a new hero, I guess," she finished quietly.

It is a story my aunt will always remember.  I know I will, too.  Heroes are usually hard to forget.

image credits:  Captain America  George Washington  Gabby Douglas